I'm posting this journal here, because there are certain people I'd rather not have reading some of it. I think I'm going to start using this name more often, just as a kind of change, and whenever I'd rather be more incognito. I don't think said "people" know about this account, but I know if they do find it, they'll probably read anything I put up and not tell me they're doing it, so it's a gamble, but I'm fairly certain they don't know of it.

Strangely, there is only one friend from my other page watching this page, so feel free to come around and stuff.

I mainly just needed to vent a little. A few months ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn't really know how to react and I still don't. These shocking situations just sort of render me dumb and I just go about my life the way I usually do. Supposedly, the doctor caught it at an early stage. She already had surgery to have it removed, and is going to undergo chemotherapy soon. It's weird. My grandfather died of cancer and my grandmother on my moms side was diagnosed a year or two ago.
So my family has been trying to deal with that the best we can, and we've been doing a pretty good job of it.

So on the fourth of July, our dog died. He was around 12 years old. This, I still believe has not even hit me yet. Everyone in my family cried but me. I don't think I've ever quite grasped the truth of death. I understand it, but maybe I just don't accept it. It's like my mind is set to believe that the person is just moving away and I'll never see them again. It's weird. I think I'll have to force myself to think about it for a long time to truly get the feelings out. It's like I'm emotionally constipated. I know that sounds dumb, but it sounds about right.

So when things like this happen around the same time, I start to feel a little fucked over. I lump the things together and wonder what else is on the way. It's weird.

The whole house seemed gray and subdued throughout the 4th of July. We set up a memorial on our coffee table for Domino. It contained his red collar, a tennis ball, two milk bones, and a cheetoe. We always gave him two mini milkbones and a cheetoe now and again because Dalmatians are vegetarians, so corn is okay. I got a tall plain white candle to go with the 2 other candles there.

I drew a picture the night that he died. It's before I knew it happened, so it's one of my usual type things. I'm pretty sure I'm going to paint over it or destroy it.